Sometimes it takes seeing where someone has been to understand who they are. 

In 2013, my fear came face-to-face with an incredible opportunity.  My momma was going to Taiwan for a few weeks. It’s where she grew up and where I was born.  We left when I was three years old, and so it has always been a mystery to me. 

My sister and I had talked about joining mom there the last part of her trip. I have always dreamed of visiting but this didn’t seem like the right time.  My anxiety was off the charts. The thought of leaving my two very young daughters (even though my husband would be fully capable of caring for them) and flying over the ocean in a plane for over 15 hours, didn’t sound reasonable.  Plus, practically speaking, unless I sold half of what I owned, there is no way I could afford a plane ticket over $1,000! 

Fear and anxiety told me that the time was never right. It was easier and safer not to go. 

I went in to do my show at the radio station one morning and was handed a card from my co-hosts and producer. Ellis, Tracy, and Sierra had invited our coworkers and my friends to give towards me going on this legacy trip! They knew more than anyone my internal struggle.  The amount they raised was the exact amount of the plane ticket.  Tears of joy that they would even think to do that! It’s a moment I will never forget.  There were many amazing people who were now invested…I had to go!

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My sister, my niece, and I set off on our amazing legacy trip. We met my momma in Taiwan. God stretched me in so many ways on this trip. Pushing through fear and anxiety to see HIM on the other side. 

It was truly life changing. 

I had the chance to meet so many family members.  Some of them were meeting me for the first time, some hadn’t seen me since I was 3 years old. All of them were welcoming! There were many tears and many laughs.  The language barrier could not stop the undeniable love we all had for one another. 

I had the chance to see where my parents met, where I was born, and to explore the incredible island where my life began.  Each stop was a missing piece of the puzzle to who I am.  The greatest gift I took from the trip was gaining a new perspective of who my mom was and is.

We spent time at her childhood home. Her sister still lives in this humble shack in the mountains.  The front door doesn’t fully cover the opening to the home.  Mom shared stories of not having much.  Stories of being a young girl with many struggles. Stories of her mom who adored her. A mom she had to say goodbye to far too soon in life.  I stood outside of her home and wept. It was the first time I saw my mom as a little girl.

She walked a long way to school each day through the mountains. It was a privilege to see that little school and picture my momma there with her friends.  It was the trip that changed my relationship with my momma. The trip that filled in many blanks in my life. The trip where I gained a deeper understanding of the woman who gave birth to me.  

My momma knew very little English when we moved to America. She had a successful banking career and somehow managed to survive raising kids and losing her husband. She is a precious, silly, and kind woman who keeps fighting. I’m in awe of her.

I am grateful for each day we get together.  I’m thankful for the socially distant 7 o’clock walk around the neighborhood we will go on tonight.  

As a momma, I delight in sharing stories with my kids about when I was a little girl.  The insecurities I had and the mistakes I made.  They hear about when a boy broke my heart and when my sister played tricks on me.  They know the days I miss my daddy and what I miss about him.  I pray that God deepens my relationship with them as they learn more about where I came from. 

Understanding where someone comes from can change you! 

Whether you are celebrating a mom who is still here or one who you can no longer hug, I thank God today for moms and the little girls they once were.