All I Have Known
I sat on the edge of the pool at Camp Wewa watching all of the kids jumping off the high dive. It was a week long summer camp before 5th grade. I was shy and awkward. The high dive was the reason for camp for some of these kids. The ladder leading up to the board was filled with kids waiting their turn. I watched these brave souls doing flips off of this Eiffel Tower and thought, I should totally do that. Maybe not a flip but just a straight jump…anyone could do it.
I got in line. I put in my time, climbing the long ladder to the top. Fifteen minutes later, I made it to the top. I walked to the edge of the board and completely freaked out. I just knew this was the moment my life would end. The embarrassment of going down the ladder through the crowd of brave kids waiting instead of jumping, meant I at least survive. It was awful. “Excuse me” all the way down with a beet red face. For the rest of camp, I stayed away from the pool.
In many ways, I’m still that scared, little girl. Only my high dive has taken on many different faces.
Most of my fears are the quiet ones that aren’t visible. The inner struggle back and forth between living in the moment and the fear of what could happen. I’m exhausted. Battered from giving into the enemy. It’s all I have known.
I’m trying to hear a different voice. God’s voice.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9
Do not fear. It’s a command mentioned more frequently than any other in the Bible. I believe it is because so many of us struggle with it. Crippling fear. What is it right now that you are fearful about? Health, finances, loneliness, anxiety, addiction, worry about the future. For some of us, it’s several of those things that keep us up at night.
I’m challenged by what I heard a pastor say, fear is when we agree with the enemy.
When I choose fear, I’m choosing the inferior instead of God, the superior, who has got me and all that I’m struggling with under control. We can experience joy and peace in the midst of hard times. Choosing to believe that God is who he says he is. Perfecter of our faith, provider, comforter.
My default is to be afraid. I’m learning that I have the opportunity to choose trust over fear about 100 times a day. Some days I’m at the top of the high dive shamefully walking all the way back down. But then there are days I can feel the wind in my hair as I leap into our Father’s arms…and it feels amazing.
I need the reminder often. And maybe today, you do too.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
What helps you push through fear? Comment below. You might be able to help someone else today.
2 thoughts on “All I Have Known”
I am very short so as a 16 year old I was not ready to learn to drive by the time I was ready 21 the Blizzard Hit Ohio my first in car was a few days after all that snow fell roads were still not cleaned off well you could not see the lines & the sides of the roads had 4ft snow piles the Guy teaching me to drive tells me to turn & I almost hit a wall of snow Spinning out scared me to death so I never went back didn’t learn how to drive until I was 35 only because my Grandpa was in a nursing home & if I ever wanted to see him I needed to drive there . I get freaked out every time I have to drive & don’t drive on freeways at all. I only drive about 1/2 hour once a month to a Church meeting & every now and then I will drive to the store & Kohl’s that is 10 mins from my home . but I get very nervous almost sick when I have to drive very far . I do fear of being alone because of this . I am 10 years younger than my husband . One thing that helps when I drive is to listen to our Christen radio 104.9 the River the songs remind me that God is with me .
Such a great post Tyler. The high dive was a big one for me too, as a kid. I made that shameful climb down the ladder many times. And I remember my first jump off the high dive, and how fantastic it felt! Like I was on top of the world; I could do anything! The key word there is me, in my power and my strength, I did it. The reality is, it was never me, it was always God that carried me and gave me the power to do anything! I just didn’t know that then. Fear can still be a strong force in my life today, especially w/ kids growing up and learning to make their own choices. It reminds me that I am not in control! But God is, and I can choose to believe God or I can buy into the fear. When I look back at my life, I can see God at work; His mercy, His provision, His protection and His goodness, even when I was not seeking Him! So for all He has already carried me through, I know I can trust Him for what I’ve yet to go through!