This Christmas season went by so quickly.  I hope that you were able to slow down enough to enjoy the moments. There was less time between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year and I felt it.  There were several things I didn’t do. We didn’t send out Christmas cards or put lights up on the outside of the house.  There was an unexpected freedom from those choices.  A freedom I want to bring into the new year. Do less and be okay with it.

My new found freedom however hit a wall of emotion on Christmas Eve.  I was driving to meet my husband and sister’s family at church with my 10 and 12-year-old daughters in the car when Karen Carpenter came on the radio.  Her haunting voice immediately brought tears to my eyes. In an instant, I was missing my daddy.  The Carpenter’s music always reminds me of him.  Many things remind me of him…like the smell of a newspaper, any kind of anchor (he was in the Navy most of his life), and of course, sunflowers.  He grew up in Kansas, home of the sunflower.  They surrounded me on my wedding day when he couldn’t. They have surrounded me on many tough days throughout the years. 

This was our 19th Christmas without daddy. Every year I try to do something that would honor him or make him a part of the moment we all open presents.  Last year, I made a copy of his journal for my mom, sister, and niece.  Watching them receive such a special gift is a moment I won’t forget.  It almost becomes a new memory of him.  I realized this year, I had no special gift. I had no moment planned that would bring him into all we were celebrating.  My tears were of guilt.  I had nothing. My sweet girls, who never met their grandfather, sat in the backseat of my car and listened to me. They let me cry.  They let me hurt and they told me they loved me. 

One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is the willingness to listen and maybe even have compassion for where they are.

Later that night we gathered at my mom’s house to open presents and there were many wonderful gifts to unwrap. Emma Grace, my oldest, collectively received over 100 scrunchies for her hair from everyone! (So not necessary! 😂) My youngest, Ella Jay, opened a mini claw machine. (Her dream come true!) The whole family was blessed and showered with love. It was a sweet time. 

After the last present was opened, Emma Grace took my hand and walked me to the front door. She said, “Mommy, there is still one more gift.”  She escorted me out to the driveway and on the windshield of my car was an amazing bouquet of sunflowers!  I burst into tears! My sweet girl worked it out with her dad to surprise me. I still can’t believe she thought to do that.  It was a moment I know I will never forget.  A new memory of my daddy this Christmas thanks to the heart of my child.  

This year, I learned that you don’t always have to be the one to make the moments. Sometimes God just wants you to enjoy them.